unkempt no mre!

a lot of things has changed since the last time i visited my blogspot.. and im uncapable of stating all those changes.. my anxiety for the upcat is still there,my despair for some random things have been present at times,my fears and frustration are yet to leave.. but still,i manage to balance my self and not let the down side trample me.

being a typical human,facing a crossroad is very confusing for me. that is why i never forget to thank God whenever i take the right path. but sometimes,when i choose the wrong one, i somehow put the blame into God which is so wrong. the choice was mine for God has given humans the discretion. i cant help it if some things are still bedeviling me.. but it's better this way than to be slavished by some unknown. lol

i asked kennet a long while ago how would i know if God has forgiven me with my transgressions. and he said that if im not doing it anymore,God will.. i tried not to,but sometimes i dont even know that im making a vain tautology of sins until after i did it! it is not that im making myself jaunty,it was only that i did not know..

i wanna be in fidelity with Jesus. cause im certain of his atoning my soul...

i want to be a person with less guilt, full of conscience and compassion with other people. i dont wanna make myself puff whenever i see somebody less fortunate than i am. i dont want to be badly proud with my blessings,i want to share them.. and i dont want to feel jealous whenever i see others who received more than I had.. coz im better in some other way,i dont need to envy thm cause i dont know the things thay are going through. God made me like this, because i need to be like this.

Jesus died for me,and he loves me.. that was the only thing i need to remember whenever i need to flee the devil away.. Because Jesus loves me,he will not let my feet to slip..

unkempt no mre!

a lot of things has changed since the last time i visited my blogspot.. and im uncapable of stating all those changes.. my anxiety for the upcat is still there,my despair for some random things have been present at times,my fears and frustration are yet to leave.. but still,i manage to balance my self and not let the down side trample me.

being a typical human,facing a crossroad is very confusing for me. that is why i never forget to thank God whenever i take the right path. but sometimes,when i choose the wrong one, i somehow put the blame into God which is so wrong. the choice was mine for God has given humans the discretion. i cant help it if some things are still bedeviling me.. but it's better this way than to be slavished by some unknown. lol

i asked kennet a long while ago how would i know if God has forgiven me with my transgressions. and he said that if im not doing it anymore,God will.. i tried not to,but sometimes i dont even know that im making a vain tautology of sins until after i did it! it is not that im making myself jaunty,it was only that i did not know..

i wanna be in fidelity with Jesus. cause im certain of his atoning my soul...

i want to be a person with less guilt, full of conscience and compassion with other people. i dont wanna make myself puff whenever i see somebody less fortunate than i am. i dont want to be badly proud with my blessings,i want to share them.. and i dont want to feel jealous whenever i see others who received more than I had.. coz im better in some other way,i dont need to envy thm cause i dont know the things thay are going through. God made me like this, because i need to be like this.

Jesus died for me,and he loves me.. that was the only thing i need to remember whenever i need to flee the devil away.. Because Jesus loves me,he will not let my feet to slip..

letting go for the right reason

There are people in life you can do with out, and you will meet them and they will try to convince you that tyou need them, but then they will prove to you that you don't. So let them go and fly free, because that is the best thing you can do for yourself, is let go.

so tired,so dead

this month is the worst month ever!!! i took the upcat last august 6,and mani! it drains the hell out of me! i feel like i have to pray to God for every answer i make,and halfway around the test im almost crying. because im so scared,i might fail the test.. the results will be given february next year. im telling you,upcat is hell-sent
i will take ateneo and ust's entrance exam next month. but i dont really care actually.. all my concern was taken by the upcat,and it wont leave until the results..

at the 2nd blow,this week,i took bunch of periodical examination.. english is alright.. physics and analytic geometry is NOT okay,anf filipino is VERY NOT okay!!! the rest of the exam i have taken,uhm,well,i hardly care also..

im taking up some violin lessons again,and apparently,im regretting it. i think cat is much more interesting than studying notes! especially when i seldom forget my violin. lol

i need time to rest,im so stressed up with all the hardships upon my shoulders..

anyway,i just have to share you this verse from the bible given by my uncle (he is a pastor) when i told him about my anxiety in upcat..

"ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM WHO LOVE GOD,COZ HE MADE ALL THINGS WONDERFUL IN HIS TIME"

i was inspired by that verse,and i know God will make the upcat results beautiful for me..

UPCAT is just around the corner

i will be taking the university of the philippines college admission test this sunday,august 6,2007!!!!! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME... I REALLY WANT TO PASS THAT ENTRANCE EXAM SO BADLY...

rain,rain,go away... lalalalala....

im seating here infront of the computer for about 15minutes now,just trying to figure out what to do with it. i woke up early today,took a bath,wore my uniform,put on my watch,combed my hair,checked out my phone,read the message only to find out that there will be no classes today too.. class was suspended yesterday due to a heavy storm. i never thought that i will be suspended today as well. i miss emmanuel..

i went to ka lumen yesterday to ask for some load. i dont know if she entered the wrong number or just forgot to gimme some cellphone load because im still not receiving any. my temper is running short! i want to text my emmanuel as soon as possible.. damnit!

i've been so busy since i took up the mock exam. the results says that i must study hard! i want to pass upcat so damn badly.. i have no idea what would become of me if i failed.. geez..

stop blowing your own trumpet

i hate people who do nothing but to brag,brag and brag!!!! who cares about the things you have and the things you want?! duh! stop bragging especially when YOU know that you have nothing to brag about infront of our face!!! dont flaunt us an amzing life when we know that behind the mask is a pitying life. everbody has there own flaws,dont pretend you dont have one.

i dont hate math,i just hate the teacher

dont tell me that the picture above is gross since i already knew that. i dont care,that picture describes how i feel about my boring math teacher!!!!

emman and i are passing notes during our math class and then mrs. laderas caught us. so she said,"jemima,give that paper to me". i was like " i cant give it to you ma'am,it has a secret" but she keeps on insisting and i keep on hesitating. but then,she said " i wont read that letter,i'll talk to you after class then i'll give it back to you." so then,i agreed,since she said SHE WILL GIVE IT BACK TO ME!!!

but damnit!!! after class,i was waiting for her to give me that letter,but she didnt!!!! she just got out of the room and ignores me!!! im not stupid,and i dont think that she simply has forgotten about her promise!!! she wants to know the secret that im talking about!!! i hate her!!!

i know her rights as a teacher,esp when i did something wrong within her subject. she has the right to scold me infront of my classmates,she has the right to punish me,she even can call my parents or she can even send me to the guidance! but she cannot interrogate my personla life!!! and that's my right as a student,to know the things that a teacher cannot overrule with regards to her students!!! she do not have the right to read that note,since i've already told her that it contains something personal about me. damn her!!! i want to make "kulam" to her or i want her to be hitted by an eight-wheeled truck or whatever!!!

i admit my mistakes,i should have never passed notes to eman within her class,and i already apologized to that. i know that i gotta pay the consequences of my actions,but that consequences doesnt include catechizing my personal life written on that note!!! she should have respect me,not only as a student but also as a person!!!

and because of what she did,i entirely lost my respect for her.. teacher must be the student's role model. and definitely,she didnt become a good role model,not only for me,but also to my classmates.

some of my classmates and i are talking about what she did,and they all agreed on the same thing,"SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE LIED AND READ THAT NOTE"

i dont hate math,i only hate the teacher! and she's the worst math teacher i ever had!!!!

We circle winter, spring and summer to fall
Spend a lifetime tryin' to make some sense of it all
Trip over questions raised by fallen men
As if there are solutions for the state we're in

In a picture perfect world, there would be no crime
In a picture perfect world, we'd be free
In a picture perfect world, we'd be colorblind
But it's all right, I know we'll be cared for
All right, a place is prepared for
All right, 'cause sooner or later we'll be
In the picture perfect world

Another summer, autumn, winter and spring
We grow accustomed to the nature of things
Do we chase the questions we can't figure out
And overlook what life is all about

In a picture perfect world, there would be no pain
In a picture perfect world, we'd believe
In a picture perfect world, love is not in vain
But it's all right, I know we'll be cared for
All right, a place is prepared for
All right, 'cause sooner or later we'll be
In the picture perfect world

We are here but a moment, then the moment's gone
So why spend precious time we can't afford, no, no
We have only one purpose before the curtain's drawn
So with all our lives, for the cause of Christ, we must glorify the Lord

In a picture perfect world, there would be no pain
In a picture perfect world, we'd believe
In a picture perfect world, love is not in vain
But it's all right, I know we'll be cared for
All right, a place is prepared for
All right, 'cause sooner or later we'll be
In the picture perfect world

IAN,BEING HALF-WAY AR0UND THE W0RLD FR0M ME IS A N0-EXCUSE F0R MAKING A HUGE MARK IN MY HEART.. THANKY0U... I WISH I C0ULD D0 M0RE...

round 2

i was almost finish typing a blog and im about to click the "post" button,then *blag*!!! the computer automatically shutted down,my mom accidentally took off the switch. sheesh.. i guess,i have to do it all over again while what i typed was still fresh in my mind.

whew! what a soul-deadening week! im caught in an awry notion of advance chemistry and physics quizes! plus,writing calligraphies in mapeh are heavy weights in my shoulders!. that's not all!! the biggest blow i got this week,is that i was one of the republic's (our school paper) candidate for the editor-in-chief! whoa! you can ask me to talk all day long,nonstop,but you wont get me into writing! i simply,CANNOT!!!! karen of section newton is the best person for the positon compared to the other candidates. although we aint that close now,i still believe that our batch' editor in chief for the republic is meant for her. yen,ken,jens,jeffrey,beverly and a whole lot more thinks the same way as mine! we all think that karen has to be the repub's e-i-c.

anyway,if just in case i agreed to join the republic,i would love to have the position with a column that has my pic in it! excluding the e-i-c spot.

hahahaha... school is the best pain-reliever ever!!! watcha think?!

uhm,tomorrw,i ought to go to the hospital after my review session for an ultra-sound,x-ray,and urine test. you may wondering why..? im experiencing a lower-back pain for more than a month now! pray for me,i'll update you tomorrow as to how my back goes.. bad back! lol

and,oh,i just have to post this..."ex- asked for my number!" now i have a strong reason to draw a big,real smile!

been gone for too long

im back! i havent check my blog for such a long time now,im carrying tons of burdens and surfing the net is not on the top of my priority. i tried to change my layouts,but i see that it wouldnt just work out so i came back to this old one.

well,anyway,my school startd last monday,so im spending 5days on school now. and im enjoying it. for one reason,i get to forget my problems when im with my friends. and the 2nd reason is,im with eman 5times a week! i'll just make the best out of my senior year and prepare myself to face a bigger world after high school. (pls pray for me to pass upcat) i'll try my best to not lest my personal life ruin my senior year! may it be a family problem, dough problem, or whatsoever! i just want to make my best out of anything that has something to do with my last year in highschool.

I JUST WANN BE HAPPY.. IS BEING HAPPY A CRIME? NO.. SO PLEASE LET ME BE HAPPY...

im shackled

mt grandmother.. she's sick.. please pray for her.. the pain of losing my mama is unbearable.. please..

Ninja Billy was here!!! HI YA!!!

Hi, my name is ninja billy!!! I will deystroy all of you!!! I am the supreme ninja of death!!! Fear my wrath fools!!! HI YA

jealousy is a terrible disease,get well soon!

there was this couple of mean underdogs in my neighborhood who is so insecure about themselves! 9they aren't so pretty,that's why. i dunno,but they seem to be so intimidated by me. the way i look and dress, my family status,friends,etc.. the keep on saying that i was able to do the things i do because of the things i have. iam who iam! duh! iam not shaped because of the things i have,but due to the qualities i possess. well,i just asked them to mind thir own business and go awya for we are not of the same level. and i really do hope,they will..

anyway,i changed my cellphone number,my old one was pinblocked. so it was now,+639064540913. imma post it in my friendster account later,for my friends dont know about my blogger. atleast,i found my online bestfriend thru blogging which is really a blessing.. i keep calling him that,a blessing.

Conformity is overrated

Studies show that all of the grey balls would have

been different colors had all the other balls had

been different colors as well.

spell summer b-o-r-i-n-g

my eyes are bulging out of my skull because of too much surfing the net! but who is to blame! i dont have anything to do at home! im not even allowed to go outside without permission. boredom will kill me.. seriously.. i wanna go to the beach,but sunburn will invade my milky complexion..again. and i dont wanna involve my skin with my suffering! she suffered enough when my classmates and i went swimming. im just planning to review for the college entrance examinations i will take up this coming august,i really have to prepare for it. in a third world country,your future depends on your ability and the university you've graduated in. but who says reviewing will be fun?! i'll kick the butt of anyone who'll say that. damn! im bored! im sick of surfing the net,im sick of texting,im sick of talking in the phone. i wanna go outside. but the question is,what can i do outside? fun is limited for a 15yrs old filipina like me.. but teenagers needs fun once in a while!and yet, recreational activities are rare in my place. everybody is bored,i know. but they just wont do anything about me.. huh.. can i just wait for this computer to swallow me right now?! i guess,that would be fun..for a bored person like me.

am i insane or was it really a dancing coconut tree?

Idblur/Darktice

This is great, being a part of this blog

Every girl likes dolphins! lol!

portals to my heart

> SMELL MY HAIR
> TALK T0 ME IN M0VIE THEATERS
> H0LD MY HAND WHILE Y0U TALK
> TELL IM BEAUTIFUL
> L00K AT ME IN THE EYE WHEN Y0U TALK T0 ME
> TELL ME STUPID J0KES
> LET ME MESS WITH YOUR HAIR
> JUST WALK AR0UND WITH ME
> L00K AT ME LIKE IM THE 0NLY GIRL Y0U SEE
> TICKLE ME EVEN IF I SAY N0
> WHEN I START SWEARING AT Y0U,TELL ME Y0U L0VE ME
> LET ME FALL ASLEEP IN Y0UR ARMS
> GET ME MAD,THEN KISS ME
> TEASE ME
> LET ME TEASE Y0U BACK
> KISS ME EN0UGH BUT D0N'T 0VER KISS ME
> STAY UP WITH ME ALL NIGHT WHEN IM SICK
> WATCH MY FAV0RITE M0VIE
> KISS MY F0REHEAD
> WRITE ME LETTERS
> IF I ASK Y0U T0 G0 T0 A SH0W WITH ME,G0
> LET ME WEAR Y0UR CL0THES
> WHEN IM SAD,HANG-0UT WITH ME
> BUY ME PIZZA
> LET ME TAKE ALL THE PH0T0S 0F Y0U I WANT
> KISS ME IN THE RAIN
> WHEN Y0U FALL INL0VE WITH ME,TELL ME
> AND THE MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL,CHANGE YOUR NAME TO EMMANUEL

my rice aint nice

i have eaten the grossest rice ever! our house-helper took a day-off and my mom has to leever for an urgent appointment in her school. so my sister and i was left here home-alone. nevertheless,before my mom leave,she left us with a prepared lunch and she only instructed me to heat it up. basically,i heated up the viands properlyl,on paradox,i the rice did not turn up,erhm,consumable.. it looks like a scharcoal,literally.. but because my sister and i are really hungry,and we cant eat without rice,i was oblige to cook another set of rice.. uhm,i poured four cups of "bigas",four cups of water and i have settd the stove into heat level two,thinking that i would be cooked faster in that way. well,i checked it after 10 min,and the water is consumed and the "bigas" is still as hard as stone. i have putted another 3cups of rice and set the stove into a really low temp level,and guess what..? i haven't been done cooking for another 30min! however,after 10 long years,the rice was prepared! and it was more disgusting than the first burnt rrice! the color is yellow,the smell is awful and the taste is uneatable! but due to my hunger,my stomach handled the gross rice! i had eaten it! eow! and thinking bout it know,it makes me want to puke!

once again

he did it again.. he hurt me.. he have brought me down and have made me think that nothing is ever was before.. why? how? what will happen? gone? wasted? no..

try to fit in or wanna stand out?

rocker, teenie, mod, punk, emo, prep, bitch, jock, poser, nerd, thug, geek, fag, looser, dirty, dyke, skater, freak, goth.. whatever! DON'T LABEL ME!!! labels are for bottles and grocery goodies,and im certainly not a goodie! im a human-being! and some of those terms are used to describe a music genre and im not a kind of music! i just cant stand people who judge other people and call them names and starting to label them with some stupid adjectives. duh! they are all the same,no originality and never been unique. they keep on living by those dumb words! they change the way they act and look just to fit in the label-category they have chosen. real people don't need labels! remember that.

i aint part and will never be a part of those people's crowd who describe the'r selves with such kind of adjective,and that what makes me unique and that's what i want. so if you've read this blog,and you call your self punk, prep, thug or any adjectives similar above,you got no choice but to respect my decision.as i also do respect yours. if you cant stand my opinions,then leave. it's nobody's lost.

once upon a time,TOFFEE and PEARS met and they fell inlove

Oh damn! i miss my toffeeluvz so much!!!!

i was overtanned in paradise

our class went swimming today! and man,it's a good starting point of a happy summer vacation! i really had fun between the water and the sun. although my face looks like a sunburn field with nose,eyes and lips planted on it,and my shoulders are as red as blood,i had so much smile drawn on me! i get to swim again which i long been failed to lend time into, we challenged the wave pool, had a thousand slides, dive and teach myself to breathe longer underwater. all in all,i had a wonderful time! (i still think it will be a better moment if she didn't visit us,but she went home early anyway) i hope to go swimming with my class agian sometimes. but first,i really got to bring my natural complexion back. and that means,no going outside under the heat of the sun for me!

omg! gotta go now,i feel so dead tired! lol

ginto batoh?! GOLD rocks!

bye section gold, hello section einstein!!!

yes! you read it right! we're turning our backs to our junior years and preparing ourselves to face the embarking journey of the senior years! and that means high school superiority! heheh.. my junior days seems like a mere yesterday for me,those days passed by so fast like the tender touch of breeze through my ears. but nevertheless,that breeze left a good perpetual shiver. i can say that,i've learned alot in my 3rd year days, i knew myself more, i found true love, i have learned to believe in myself and be a stronger person, i have learned to stand up again and face the world chin-up after my fall, i have learned to gain confidence to improve my talents,i have learned to give importance to people, i saw the beautiful aura inside of me and i have learn how to really surrender myself to God. actually,if i will type down everything i have lerned in my junior high years,it will take me three hours to do so.

my third year drama is like a fairy tale composed of the princess (me), witch (her), prince charming (him), and fairygodmothers (friends). and when those ingredients are mixed together,it will leave a memorable experince

im so proud to be part of the section gold class 2005-2006. the 50 of us had faced those years with a tight bond and i know,we are all looking forward to face our new and final year of high school with excitment, nervousness, happiness, good laughs and with our hands holding onto one another.

III-GOLD NOW SIGNING OFF

centennial chuchuvachuchu

Scroll images by bigoo.ws

it's over! thanks to my co-candidates,i had a good time! so long centennial celebration!!

confessions on a dance floor

b i g o o . w s

OMG!!! i had a hell af a fun last night dancing my soul out! although my dress is a problem,my feet is working damn good for me anyway. it really was a great idea to attend that centennial ball, (tnx for my emmanuel) and aside from having the time of my life,i get to bond with my co-candidates and release the tension of our upcoming competition. what more?! uhm,the food is great.. the night is fun for us.. everyone is a princess in their own fairytale,and im fortunate to have my prince charming in the same place as me. (it's good,cocc's had been there) darn! i love being in the dancefloor wherein i dont give a bit of a care if i look stupid or funny or whatsoever because eerybody is doing their own thing too! and dancing unchoreograph is a good way to take off the mask and pretensiousness. it is where you can surely be yourself!! well,it's up to you too anyway.. i had my first dancefloor experience,and im very much looking forward for my dance with my sweetest thing..

whispers of a "mended" heart

once upon a time,i fell in love. no one catched me. i fell in an endless space,no walls,no grounds, no sounds. dismounting in an infinite abyss. praying nonstop,that somewhere,someday,somebody will save me from the empty bubble i become. until... i felt something. was it a touch? an object behind my back? the parquet of the bottomless pitch where i tumble down? no? is it.. is it..? it is an arm! am i dreaming,or was it really true that someone cared enough to save me?.. God,someone saved me.. someone heard my shoutings.. my pleadings.. my begging.. what seems forever is now only yesterday. yesterday overlayed with a new hope today brings. my hero.. my knight in shining armour.. my prince.. my emmanuel.. now i know,God has drawn a smile on my destiny.

once been hurt,many became coward when it comes to being inlove once more. afraid to stumble,afraid of the pain,afraid of the tears,afraid of being unable to get back up...again. i used to be one of them,somebody so chicken and promised herself never to fall inlove again unless i made my first love love me too.. but when emman and i met in the middle of the crossroad,our eyes met,i swallowed my words and in that very moment,i knew,i just knew,im willing to fall,i want to love. nevertheless,my being coward emersed in the surface of my being,im scared,scared of what may have been when noone catches me. but still,i tried. however,while i was preparing my self to crashdown into that void,he held my hand,looked at me with his brown eyes saying,"you dont have to crumple down alone,i will go with you". the we collapsed holding onto each other and it was heaven. heaven towards the discovered never-never-land,found because of our love,found by the two of us. two hearts connected as one and i was reminded of how wonderful and amazing love is.

the happiness i never thought i will get to experience is now right next to my fingertips. what i seize and so secure. only God knows how much i cherish him,how much i wanted him to be my destiny. and i believe,he will be what my fate has instore for me. i cannot handle to bear the pain of losing him,it is something i can never get over with. half of my world is revolving around him and if someone will take him away from me,my world will be paralyzed. like a human deprived of a beating heart.

we will spend the rest of our lives living in a place called forever and if it wasnt enough,we will create another lifetime.

i love you so much sweet thing. every night,my heart shouts out how how thakful i am for having you in my life. you have filled my emptiness with your love and replaced the missing pieces of my puzzle with so much happiness. i need you.. i want you.. i love you..

good morning stars! good morning moon!

so here i am,waking up at the early hours of the morning,not yet hearing the chirpping of the birds,the barking of the dogs and not yet seeing the light of the sun... you may ask me why..? then,why? my damn sister has forgotten to do his play script and my mom wants me to do it for her! damn! what do they think of me?! they are using the reason that i dont have classes today. holy smoke! do i need not to rest?! it was not my resposibility after all!!! it was my sister's responisibility! and you know what i hated most aside from being interrupted from my sleep?! they interrupted me from my dream i long been fantasizing!!! what's the good thing bout that?! darn!!! they are such a pain in the ass,the two of them!!!

what blogging means to me

"mai,stop the blogging!"

"what do you benefit from it?! you're just wasting your time with that blogs!"

"why not review your lessons instead of that piece of trash?!"

oh damn! im so fed up with that lines my mom always say whenecer she sees me infront of the computer and opening up my blog account. she even calls my friendster and myspace a blog! mayhaps,she thinks that surfing the net is called blogging cause each time i get online,she always come up with this line..."whats that mai?! are you gonna blog again?!" urgh!!!

when will my mom get to understand that blogging serves as an outlet for me to express out my feelings and serves as a diary. in what other reason do they have by giving it hte subname "online journal!"?! this is where i type something that confuses me and at the end of the bursting-out-to-the-blog-scenery,i will come up with something that clears my confusion somehow. this is where i learn to type down what i feel inside,to organize mylife,show who i am,express what i wanna be,where i find a real confidant,a shock-absorber. blog is something that can be a someone at the same time. unlike untrusthy humans,blog is willing to accept everything and anything you want to say without complaining at the end! likewise,if you committed a mistake,blog won't blame you for doing a such and it wont point out your mistake and slap it directly it your face. it will just accept and accept and accept... and after you're finish jotting down how you feel,publish it! and your burden will be lighter and sometimes,if you're lucky,you'll be burden-free.

blogging is highly advicable for people who are sluggish writers. plus,you'll meet new friends here and be able to exchange ideas,opinions,feelings and advice. it's the second best thing bloggin provides! but ofcourse,before you sign-up for a blog account,you have to make sure that you're willing to post your blogs for the public to see. however,there are some blog sites that allow private posting wherin noone else aside from you can view that certain blog,also there are some that publishes blog where upon only viewable to some allowed users you have chosen. all in all,blog is a good thing,maybe not by all,but by some particular person that has the same feeling,not always exactly but also likely as me!!

blogging means alot to a person that doesnt know how to express there feelings directly. blogging became my online sister,confidant,bestfriend. some are free to be like my mom and think that im over-acting about blog's importance to me. i've yet and never be able to pursue you to understand me,hoping is the only thing im capable of when it comes to other people's acceptance to my opnions.i cannot please everybody and i know i can't.i just hope my mom understands...

a grave for someone breathing

while i was walking around the dost building this morning,i saw this huge stone with "GIL ROQUE" painted on it. and im so sure,gilbert did it,perhaps when he was in junior high or maybe senior..? but obviously before he graduated from high school.

it reminds me alot of him. remembering the past,as they say. although he's nothing but pain in the ass. LOL he's a good artist by the way!!

uhm,his cousin said that he looks better now. "artistahin" as she defines. whatever... nevertheless,i admit. his' cuz words make my imagination play a bit and wonder what the feeling may seem to be again although a bunch of people say i have someone better in my hands now.

ofcourse not! i dont have someone better,i have the best!!! and emman is the best for me and gilbert had never been was.. *wink wink*

btw,my prev blog fills me with guiltiness now... SORRY for the words that came out of my mouth and the actions i did. hoping for the people involved forgiveness (although they have no idea bout the grudge i "HAD" against them)and most especially,GOD'S FORGIVENESS.

from diamonds to demons. (that asshole dont deserve it!!!)

i hate it!!! she feels dissapointed and so am i. i so damn feel for her. it feels like she was deprived of her dreams. it was her stepping stone!!! but because of some wannabes outthere,he never get to achieve it! and that sucks!!

i've been picturing myself being with the third layer,but hello?! she ended up being at sixth!!! i was hoping that they were just kidding her and she will eventually get what she wants!!!

i hate that thief who has stollen the pedestal of fame and glory from her! emphatically,she has no identity and does not fucking know the righ place er life belongs. (ouch!) atfirst she wants to be a nurse,but in an instance,he became trump up and wants to carry the gun too!!! she even challenged her with a some kind of popularity contest.

i dunno.. i want the people i love to get wht they want,i dont care if they deserve it or not!!! she wants it,and she was suppose to get it!!! what the fuck has happene?! DAMNIT!!!

im just picturing her having something better than that 3rd fabric that asshole gets from her!!! (i already know long before she haves an agenda and secret desire for that fabric cause he wants the third layer as much as my girl wants and look,the coconut shell is partying from my friends defeat cause her dear friend got what she doesnt really deserve!!!)) huh!!! you'll see!!! my man will have something better than you assshit!!! (coconut=no ass,asshole=no coconut [brain]) now,you're living like you already own it huh..? i'll do anything to turn your world upside down!!!

i know it's a mistake to hold a grudge against someone,but i cant help it. as ive said,i feel for her. and like what i frequently say...WHAT'S MINE WILL ALWAYS BE MINE and so it goes to my loved ones,WHAT'S THEIR'S WILL ALWAYS BE THEIR'S. and no one can change that! you SONUVABITCH!!!

AAHHHRRRGGGGG!!!!

DUH?!

me.. after 15 long years

i was looking at some of my baby pics and it's cheesy,but i feel like crying. it reminds me of how easy and simple my life used to be,how wonderful it is to be problem free. how amazing the feeling is when the world is revolving in the four corners of my crib.

but now,everything is so ddifferent.. life became a crazy rollercoaster ride. nothing is ever similar to my childhood. i have to be tough and unbreakable to the eyes of the multitude,i cant just cry and break down and run to my mommy's arms like before. likewise,i cant ask somebody else to heal my wound with a betadine. i have to mend it on my own and the worst part is,some can only be mended by time.

it sucks,you know?! i felt like undergoing a ballistic cycle!! and sometime wishing to be a child again..

but amidst the notion of the awry rollercoaster and in the middle of the turmoil,here i am.. STANDING TALL.. FACING THE FUTURE.. PUTTING MY CHILDHOOD WAYS BEHIND.. MAKING IT AN INSPIRATION For AN OLDER TOMORROW...

this are the stars i would LOVE to meet before i die

JOHNNY DEPP...the captain of my ship

BRAD PITT...my knight in shining armour

RACHEL MC ADAMS...the modern cinderella

GREEN DAY.. and we'll rock the suburbia

MCR...my suicidal romance

SEETHER...the skin's not dry and frail

THE KILLERS...and they made me ms. brightside

GEMMA WARD...the real cat woman

JD FORTUNE...im fortunate to hear his voice

it has always been sunset today

why?

1. emman and i had a misunderstanding again
2. harvey and i denied each's forthcoming
3. my mom did not allow me to watch pupil's concert
4. we did not get to pass the research paper we've been working on day and night of everyday for the whole 2 months! the diskette where we put all the data had an error after we finished everything,and it will not open the files! UNFORTUNATELY,we do not have a backup file! DAMN!!! so now,we are all crumming for we only have two days left to repeat the research paper we did for 2months!! HELLO?!

the thunder has roared..again

now,my soldier and i are heating up a world war again! what's up w/him?! and what's up w/me? i just wanna lend my sweet side and asked him if he wants some water,but he disliked the idea and kinda slapped it in my face and i ask him to get out off my face,(kiddingly ofcourse) then he starts snobbing me. and when i informed him that i will be already going home,he was like "then go home!" WTF?! tomorrow,he'll see.. if he wants a thunder,then i'll give him adversity! DAMNIT!!!

one question:was his blood wasted on you?

when the right decision is made for the wrong reason,is it a wrong decision? and if you love the mistake you did,was it still a mistake?

God doesn't allow human to choose what is sin. But he gives us the will to decide whether to sin!

his only son died in the cross to save our souls from the curse of hell. my question is,what are you doing with your soul Jesus cleanses with his own blood?

losing grip

i lost it and i sinned. but was it a mistake when i didn't regret anything..? but i dissapointed my tourniquet. what would become of me? die in the fire?

forever for us is over for him

i miss harvey so much.. we have this huge gap and it keeps on filling in. how i hope for things to turn out right.. he's one of the bestest friend i ever had! and i will never let him go! but how can i patch things up when he's pushing me away?! okay,i'll talk to him tomorrow.. and let's see how things will turn out.

rona said that harvey told him tah he finds it difficult to approach me. but why?! because im happy?! do i have to be sad to make myself approachable?! i know my labs has a deeper meaning. and i see it in his eyes that he needs someone right now. and he needs me badly at this very moment. for i know it, and i see it that sadness was drawn in his eyes.

and yeah,i'll be their for him. if i had failed before,i wont now.if only he would give me a chance. i've been so unfair,but the consiquences is too much. i wont afford losing another gem. i lost one before,and i regret it very much. and i wont lose grip of another one.

we are not wasted,right..?